Top Ten Gallagher Jokes

Leo Anthony Gallagher, Jr. was an American comedian who was at peak popularity in the 80's. Gallagher graduated from the world renown Notre Dame Clown College before he experimented with prop comedy in the slums of Thailand. In 1974 at Tommy Nguyen’s Comedy house, Gallagher found his calling when he smashed a heckler's head in with a comically oversized mallet. After moving back to the U.S. Gallagher replaced the human head with fruit in his act and created a routine that would become well known around the world. So, without further ado, here's Gallagher's top ten comedy routines.

10. Gallagher Smashing a Pumpkin

 

When Gallagher was young and still working on his routine he started out using pumpkins. It wouldn't be until after several years of experimentation that Gallagher would find what fruit produces the most laughs.

9. Gallagher Smashing a Papaya 

 

In 1978, Gallagher ditched the pumpkin idea and moved on to papayas. In December of 1978, a papaya seed blinded an audience member, causing the FDA's ban on papaya's in prop comedy.

8.Gallagher Teaches Spelling

Since the papaya incident, Gallagher took a dramatic turn away from smashing fruit and tried his hand at other forms of prop comedy. The only problem was, Gallagher was an idiot. Some of his earlier attempts at comedy involved teaching the audience how to spell four letter words and how to write in cursive. Despite the act's lack of creativity or humour, audiences paid to see his shows nonetheless. 

7. Gallagher Jumping on a Couch

Mad with power, Gallagher thought that having people pay to see him jump on a giant couch would be funny. However, Gallagher would soon see the fault in his ways and go back to smashing fruit.

6. Gallagher Smashing a Human Head

Looking back to that night in Thailand, Gallagher tried smashing a person's head on tour in Texas. However, Americans did not receive this joke as well as audiences overseas. Gallagher would take one year off touring, evading the American justice system.

5. Gallagher Putting a Hat on a Watermelon

After a one year hiatus Gallagher returned to the American comedy scene. However, his year on the run had made him weak and unpracticed. In a desperate attempt at reclaiming his former fame, Gallagher marketed the idea of putting hats on fruit as comedy.

4. Gallagher Plays With Watermelon Puppets

Desperate to avoid type casting as a one trick pony, Gallagher turned to puppetry. Constructed out of watermelons, Gallagher had created the loving parents he never had.

3. Gallagher Smashing a Watermelon

After realizing that puppets haven't been cool since the 1800s, Gallagher smashed his beloved watermelon puppets and started a trend that would later come to dominate his routines.

2. Gallagher Smashing a Watermelon

No matter what Gallagher tried after this, it would pale in comparison as this gag became a staple in his act.

1. Gallagher Smashing a Watermelon

 

For the next decade, people would pay to watch this homeless man smash fruit with an oversized mallet. However, American's would eventually realize that paying to watch someone do something you can do at home was a waste of time and money. Technology was rapidly changing the comedic landscape, making Gallagher's prop comedy obsolete. Gallagher would spend his retirement sailing the world in an oversized watermelon husk, no one would see him ever again.

Top Ten Athletes

10. Muggsy Bogues

At only 5'3", Muggsy was able to duck and weave between player's legs, making him extremely maneuverable on the court. He was also very useful for when the ball rolled under the bleachers.

9. David Beckham

This former Manchester United member hasn't played for a while and it's actually harder to find a picture of him playing soccer than in a suit or in his underwear. BUT THAT FACE! THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE!.

8. Manny Pacquaeouiao

The first and only eight division world champion, Manny Pacquiao has had his fair share of success out of the ring as well. The Filipino native was elected into congress in 2010 and has starred in various shows and media. Namco has also created a game franchise based on Pacquiao, called Pac-Man.

7. Tiger Woods

Golf guy.

6. Jim Thorpe

Jim Thorpe won Olympic gold medals for the 1912 pentathlon and decathlon and played American football (both collegiate and professional). Possibly the most versatile athlete ever (or everyone else at the time just sucked) Thorpe also played professional baseball and basketball. Thorpe died in 1953 doing what he loved; juggling swords.

5. Michael Phelps

Phelps holds the record for most Olympic gold medals (eighteen medals). Is it talent? Steroids? Determination? We here at MemeInformer Gluten Free Top Tens believe his success is due to a particular strain of Marijuana called Fishy Feelings.

4. Roger Federer

Quite possibly the greatest tennis player of all time... But we don't know too much about him and don't care enough to research it. Thumbs up to you Federer. Thumbs up to you.

3. Baby Ruth

This baseball legend is considered to be the greatest baseball player of all time. Babe Ruth played for Boston Red Sox before switching to the New York Yankees. At age 120, Ruth still plays today, defending his title until the end of time.

2. Pele

Frequently the top scorer and quite possibly the best soccer player of all time, Pele has been immortalized as one of the world's best soccer players. Note: The medals above aren't actually for soccer. They were won at the 1962 Kentucky pie eating contest.

1. Michael Jordan

Quite simply the greatest athlete of all time. This former turkey farmer grew up in the quite countryside until a traveling basketball salesman introduce him to the sport that would come to define his life. But what he was really passionate about was shoes. After his success on the courts, his shoes are still sold today.

Honorable Mention:

Vladimir Putin

Not officially a professional athlete, but if you spell his name backwards: "nitup rimidalv" it translates into greatest athlete. Coincidence? I think not.

Top Ten U.S. Presidents

10. William Howard Taft

Weighing over 314 pounds, Taft spent the most of his term scarfing down Ding-Dongs and Sloppy Joes (he liked to call them Sloppy Tafts). Astoundingly huge, this heavy weight accomplished many of his goals during his time as president. However, I'm too lazy to read about what he actually did.

9. Theodore Roosevelt

Known for placing millions of acres under federal protection and dissolving forty four monopolistic corporations, this president is one of the most liked. Among his accomplishments, he also gave a great performance in Night at the Museum.

8. Jimmy Carter

More than just peanuts, the 39th president of the United States achieved many accomplishments. Among his success, he created of the department of energy and the department of education and established a national energy policy.

7. Richard Nixon

Mostly known for resigning after Watergate broke loose, Nixon isn't regarded as a successful president. But come on! Just look at that face!

6. John F. Kennedy

Definitely the most handsome of the bunch, this president laid the groundwork for the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and initiated the Apollo moon mission. Rest in peace Johnny. Rest in peace.

5. George Washington

He was the first.

4. Abraham Lincoln

Licensed bartender, slave liberator, and vampire hunter, Abraham Lincoln was a revolutionary in U.S. leadership. One of the most well known presidents since George Washington, Lincoln is widely regarded as one of the most successful presidents for leading the nation out of a civil war. Aside from his presidency, he had dreams of becoming an actor and spent his days off frequenting the local theaters. However, his love of the theater would unfortunately lead to his demise.

3. Barack Obama

Known for his healthcare reform and retreating U.S. troops back from Iraq, this president's re-election is evidence of his overall approval. Also, if you haven't listened to his latest album, Yeezus, you should check it out.

2. George W. Bush

Famous for his involvement in the Iraq war, George W. Bush has actually accomplished more than Obama has during his two terms. But you know what they say, everything's bigger in Texas.

1. Vladimir Putin

Many skeptics would argue that Vladimir Putin isn't actually a U.S. President. In fact, some might go as far as to say that he isn't even a U.S. citizen. However, if you take the word "Russia" and get rid of "R","s", and "i", you get "usa". Coincidence? I rest my case.

A Word From Our President

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